I am fully aware that as a petrolhead of some standing among my like-minded fellows, I am obliged to be fond of anything with an internal combustion engine. But I can’t help saying this: I hate motorcycles with a passion! I think of them as pesky little insects with no place on public roads. When I come to power I shall ban these stupid things. 

Alright, alright, put the pitchforks down for a minute and let me elaborate. My problem with motorcycles has nothing to do with the machine itself. Well, maybe a little. The main issue though is the people, and how they use their bikes. A motorcycles can be an immensely useful thing. When I am craving a pizza after a hearty joint I rely on this vehicle’s speed and maneuverability to get it to me on time. The guy bringing me the pizza on the bike makes a living off of it. And they can be really good fun. Ask any young girl, and they will all tell you they prefer a lad with a fast bike to any Ferrari-owning gentleman. Motorcycles are exciting, just as we can learn from Motoexpert.

The thing is though, they are also a massive nuisance. Whether you live in a city or the country, motorcycles will always find a way to annoy you. I live in a busy metropolis, and I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been shaken awake in the middle of the night by the agonizing racket of a Kawasaki, or whatever the hell it was, passing under my apartment’s window at 200 miles an hour. And don’t get me started on traffic, and how irritating it is seeing a bike snake its way through a jam while you are sitting there, and how it is always your job as the driver of a car to watch out for them because if you hit them the rider will almost certainly be killed and you’ll have all of that to deal with.

Those living in the country are not much better off. The open spaces there act as an echo chamber for the bike’s exhaust and make it linger more as well. It could take anywhere from five to ten minutes for the noise pollution a joy rider make as he passes through a county to dissipate. All that time you have to tolerate that brain-piercing Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr noise poking irreparable holes in your soul. If we are not banning motorcycles from public roads, we should at the very least make them all electric to eliminate the noise. Most bikers are even unpleasant to look at, what with all that tight leather they wear and the pose they assume on the bike when going fast.

There is also an argument about motorcycles not being safe and all, but we don’t really care about that part. We’re not suggesting that a person who is so inconsiderate as to ruin everyone’s day with his loud exhaust deserves to get hurt or something… but as long as it’s their own doing… you know, maybe that’s just karma is what I’m saying. The danger is of course a big part of a bike’s appeal. That is why they are exciting and every 8 year old boy wants one. So perhaps we should wait for evolution to take care of this problem by eliminating those not bright enough to realize the risks of motorcycling, leaving us only with the considerate, conscientious riders who use their machines properly. But the problem with evolution is that it’s slow. We’d rather go for harsh punishment for the time being, see how that’ll work out…